These are my dates that never change…. many of which few but me know anymore or remember. They remain my touch stones …. at times for rest and focus, a couple holding all joy and others? I slam into them just when I was catching the flow of the water.
about January 31st I got pregnant with Tiger (My mother-in-law’s b’day)
February 12th Will’s b’day
February 13th Anniversary of Will’s death
May 22nd Will’s memorial and tree dedication
May 23rd My uterus gets separated from my small intestine in surgery while I’m pregnant with Tiger
June 1st Will’s due date (My best friend’s b’day)
June 13th Anniversary of Tiger’s death
June 15th My Love and My Wedding Anniversary
July 22nd Lucy’s birthday! (best day ever)
August 26th Anniversary of Tom’s mom’s passing
August 28th Tiger’s scheduled due date
October 28th Tom and my first Kiss. About when I got pregnant with Lucy.
November 2nd Tom’s birthday
Clearly they didn’t all happen in one year. But now they are all held in 12 month cases. Year after year.
It’s all very LOUD right now. Janine my dear friend hung in a helicopter stretcher meditating over an audience watching Stephen Pentronio’s dancers in Like Lazarus Did at the Joyce. Still for 2 hours every night for a week, holding a light in one hand. She was in the space between, to me. And I was back in my paralyzed body aware of all that was around me but unable to speak or open my eyes and cry out, “My sweet boy is gone, was cut out of me but I am left here and I am somehow alive! Am I? “.
Janine’s hand holding a industrial construction light that’s hanging from an orange cord is pictures on the front of the holy card. The back reads:
Should I look among the living/ Should I look among the dead/ if I’m searching for you?
I know the answer. I can’t say it in writing