Slides or Swings

 

snow dinos

I have the flu. I walked out with Tom and Lucy and Fletcher this morning for the first time in three days. Dropped off Lucy at school. Walked to Will’s tree. Feeling too sick, I left Tom and Fletch to their walk and went home… but on the way- not restricted by a furry friend- I did something crazy… really really strange actually: I walked through the playground.

Covered in melting snow, no children. No little boys. And that was it- all that I needed. That perfectly obvious reflection of my emptiness had me crying like I was in the hospital.

Time Schmime. Healer, my ass. Time is just the vehicle for the alternate route your life took.

How could it be 7 years? How could I miss him, my little boy who I barely met outside my womb, so deeply? Once a mother,….

So my goal this year is not to relive the trauma that was the hospital stay. This year I work to transform Will’s memory and purpose and being into LOVE. It will be work and I don’t know how yet but it is time. And it will be awesome.